Let’s Talk About Sex Baby… (In a way that celebrates sexual diversity)

I’ll always remember the day I discovered that I’m a slut.

It was December of 2007. I was sitting in the wicker chair in my family room, sipping a hot chocolate and relaxing when a friend texted me, “Check out ConnCollConfessional.” I eagerly logged on to the website to hear the latest gossip and was surprised to see a thread labeled “Dvora” with thirteen posts below.

Thirteen!? I didn’t even know that thirteen people knew who I was. I thought that I was just another undistinguishable freshman.

I clicked on the thread and began reading the comments listed below my name. “D-whora…D-virus…Slut.”

Me! They were using these names to describe Me. “Nice legs, no ass.” Who was writing these things, thinking these things? “She fucked the entire basketball team.” In my mind, that day Conn transitioned from a safe zone to a hostile territory.

Returning to school after winter break was the worst. I felt like everyone’s eyes were constantly fixed on me. Every time I met someone new I thought to myself, “What have they heard? Who do they think I am?” I stopped talking in class because I was reluctant to draw more attention to myself.

Luckily, with the help of fantastic friends I was able to regain my confidence and sense of self-worth. But I’ll always carry with me some lingering insecurity, a niggling fear that maybe I am a slut, maybe I am a person others should not value.

My experience is reflective of the larger discourse surrounding sexual activity at Connecticut College. Many of us are cautious about who we have sexual encounters with and who we divulge those encounters to because we don’t want to gain a “bad” reputation.

In her article, Public Silence, Private Terror Dorothy Allison asks, “What kind of woman might we be if we did not have to worry about being too sexual, or not sexual enough, or the wrong kind of sexual for the company we kept?” I want to throw the same question out to the college community.

What kind of person would you be and how would you act if you didn’t have to worry about the judgment of your peers?

The student body is sexually diverse and all students, no matter what their sexual interests or practices are, deserve to be treated with equality. Some people like to have lots of sex, while some would rather not have any. Some like to have sex with people of the same gender and some like to have sex that has traditionally been defined as “kinky.”

We need to stop ranking sex and categorizing these different types of sexual activity as acceptable versus unacceptable. Everyone should feel empowered to make their own sexual decisions without the pressure of societal expectations.

Not all students are responsible for stigmatizing those who oppose the school’s sexual norms, but we can all work together to create an environment in which everyone has the freedom to pursue safe sexual activity in whatever way they choose. Once all members of the student body enjoy sexual freedom, nobody will be forced into the same position that I was forced into my freshman year. Nobody will be afraid to speak up in class or run for student council or sign a public petition because they engaged in the “wrong” kind of sexual activity.

I want to be at a school where everybody has the freedom to reach their full potential without the fear that perhaps their sex life will get in the way of their academic ambitions.

Sex is fabulous and I know many students at Conn are big fans of it. So let’s allow each other to engage in sex freely and openly without worrying about stigmas or being ostracized. If we do away with the social consequences of sex, then I predict that everyone will be a lot happier and will get a lot more action.