Totally Not YouTubular
YouTube, how are you? Is something wrong? Do you want an electronic cookie? Would that make you feel better? Something is definitely affecting you, and you won’t play videos for me because of it so, in the end, I’m also affected.
Perhaps it is these new Cisco login screens. Before winter break we only had to enter our password once. Now, it’s like Connecticut College believes it’s Fort Knox and has added several new levels of security in the process. I’m going to assume that hackers have bigger fish to fry than Conn students, but I do not mind the extra login too much; it’s not that strenuous. What I do mind is that YouTube is slower than frozen molasses. If YouTube only worked, I wouldn’t complain about the extra login, which seems to be the only logical explanation as to why my go-to video player is void of life.
YouTube has been there for me over the years. It is in the running for one of my favorite time-consuming websites, a list that also includes Sporcle and Grantland. On one day I might want to watch a cool David Guetta music video, Omar Little take down the Barksdale gang in a clip from The Wire or maybe a tutorial on the process of tying a tie. It used to be just dandy, no problems whatsoever. These days, apparently things have changed.
I click on to YouTube to what should be a video of a baby panda sneezing, but what do I get instead? A black screen with a white loading symbol that looks more like a wheel of death than a “just a moment, please.” The whole procedure used to be very simple. Now, I feel as if I am watching a game of snake when all I want is for my video to just work.
It is only when YouTube is absent that we can truly learn how obsessed we are with it. I am not the only one in this predicament. However, I was able to find a lone ranger, a first year whose YouTube still functions “fairly” well. He asked to remain anonymous for fearing of being targeted as “That YouTube Guy:”
Ryan: “So, your YouTube works?”
’15: “Yeah, it works, quite nicely too. Loads quickly, and doesn’t stumble afterwards.”
Ryan: “Can you see any difference from this semester compared to last semester with your YouTube effectiveness? Are you doing anything special?”
’15: “It’s about the same. And nah, not really, I’m doing [the] same thing from last semester, just using the Wi-Fi for Internet. It somehow works for me.”
Ryan: “I envy you.”
I have tried resetting my computer, cleaning out my Internet cache, using an Ethernet cord over Wi-Fi and even switching Internet browsers from Safari to Firefox. All results came back negative; nothing ever seems to work. So, to the brainiacs at Conn, those same people who have set up this extra security fortress with Cisco, please fix this YouTube glitch! Otherwise let us go back to the security system of last semester when YouTube still worked. It should not be that much more prone to hackers, right?
This cry for help is not from a single person, but everyone who has ever used YouTube and laughed, cried or jumped with fright because of it. To have a black screen in place of a functioning video is like having a heart with a drill right through the middle of it. I am suffering deeply. I would recommend watching a clip of Jason Segal in Forgetting Sarah Marshall that expresses my feelings perfectly, but chances are you won’t be able to see it on YouTube. End the madness. Fix the website. •