Silent Survivors

Note from the Editors: The following article captures the perspective of interviewed sexual assault survivors on the support and resources available to them at Conn.

“Lauren—The night it happened, I went out with friends. We went to parties at the Winches and Ridges. I met a Coast Guard Academy student who, unbeknown to me, came to Conn for one purpose: to screw. He talked me up, I was pretty drunk at that point, so I agreed to leave with him. We walked far— so far in fact that I got scared. I said I wanted to go back, but he got aggressive. He attacked. He bruised my legs, my hip, my shoulder. I remember crying. I remember that he pushed my face away as he raped me because he didn’t want to see me cry. I remember thinking: “I’m not a person anymore.”

“Janet”— It feels weird, almost like a reverse dream where I can’t see what’s happening, but I feel everything. I see it from a bird’s-eye view. I guess my brain’s just detaching itself, but I can’t see my own rape through my own eyes anymore. It’s weird. I wasn’t attacked at Conn though, I want to make that clear. But it’s shaped my perception of boys here. I don’t trust any of them. I put myself in that position though. I am to blame because I put myself there and then I stayed quiet after. I basically gave him the green light because the same guy raped me twice. I’m not that girl though. I won’t be labeled. I won’t be branded a victim. I’m stronger than that. Well, I have to be stronger than that.

Connecticut College provides on-staff therapists, rape prevention initiatives, a blue light system, and a culture intolerant of aggression (sexual or otherwise), yet the College isn’t doing enough to prevent assault or to address the stigma women feel around reporting it. In fact, another survivor of rape at Connecticut College ultimately chose not to have her story included in this article because of the intense trauma she experienced, and the anxiety surrounding the stigma of being a survivor of rape. One survivor of campus assault with whom I spoke noted, “I don’t think this is a bad school, but the services provided here mostly help people after-the-fact.” And Janet added, “I went to a therapist here, they’re good, but I feel like a patient. I feel alienated because they don’t know me. It’s their job to listen to my problems, but… I don’t know… I don’t feel like I can talk to them.” Additionally, Lauren doesn’t know what resources are available to her. She says, “I honestly have no real idea what the programs are here.” When I asked her about Green Dot, the Connecticut College program dedicated to sexual prevention, she said “I have no idea what Green Dot is or how it could help me.” The students’ lack of knowledge surrounding advocacy programs seems symptomatic of the overarching truth that there’s an uneasy silence around rape at Connecticut College.

In the past year alone, five instances of voyeurism were reported. The college sent out emails and hosted a forum to discuss its ongoing investigation into these incidents, but has otherwise taken a relatively inactive stance toward preventing these violations— the perpetrators have still not been identified. While it’s comforting to see these women feel supported enough to report the voyeurism, it’s truly shocking that none of the sexual assault survivors I spoke with are willing to report the far more serious crime they endured. It seems that, while the school talks about the repugnance of peeping Toms, the lack of discussion surrounding the visceral truth of rape on campus creates a silent culture where rapists are never held accountable, and predators roam free.

Campus assaults are pervasive throughout America. No matter where you go, no matter the school, no matter whether, like Connecticut College, the university strives to address this problem and cultivate a safe space, assault still occurs. Rape is a national issue, yet Connecticut College is failing to protect its students. One student advisor suggested that the college should “advertise its programs more” and “educate its students more thoroughly during orientation.” The advisor even described specific ways the college can improve, such as posting flyers that list the names and numbers of the college’s support systems in highly trafficked locations. However, as a survivor of assault herself, she added, “Be self-aware! Only you will always have your back.” Further implicit in her statement— don’t trust drunk boys [or girls], don’t go off alone, and protect yourself. Don’t put yourself in risky situations.

While Connecticut College has programs and services for victims of sexual assault, it’s interesting to note that when I asked to interview college administrators for this article, they never responded. It’s interesting that, despite emailing the Dean of Institutional Equity and Inclusion John F. McKnight Jr. and the Associate Dean of Equity and Compliance Ebony Manning, they remained silent. Why are these administrators refusing to discuss the questions posed by their own student survivors? Connecticut College must step up and act. Students should be safe— not only that, but they should be supported in reporting rape and be aware of the available services on campus as well as how to receive them. In Lauren’s words, “I have panic attacks when I close my eyes, and I have nightmares when I finally fall asleep.” •