Does anyone remember the packet of old report cards you were handed before receiving your cap and gown for high school graduation? I distinctly remember opening a manilla folder and flipping through memories from kindergarten to middle school. One note from my first-grade teacher explained “Elizabeth is a good presence in the classroom, but does not raise her hand or speak aloud often.” When I came home to show my parents my (very old) report card, my dad responded with his memory of dropping me off at my first day of kindergarten: I held onto my backpack straps while waiting in line to enter the school, looking on to other students running around the playground but refusing to play with them.
Needless to say, I was very shy in primary and secondary school and only branched out of my comfort zone during my senior year while taking AP Literature, which is probably why I am an English major. So in all honesty, it is likely I would become a hermit if I were entering my first year at college during a pandemic where campus life is for the most part virtual and first-years are being assigned to singles and doubles. That being said, friendship has been on my mind, especially as a senior who despite walking around lonely during my first year at Connecticut College, found a group of friends who I am grateful to have by my side this semester.
But let’s not sugar coat it like a camel cookie. Rooming with your future bestie your first year at college is almost as mythical as meeting your future partner in a quaint coffee shop in New York City –– or maybe even the local Coffee Closet. Nixing triples and quads may solve some roommate issues that tend to arise, but if you are a first-year or transfer student rooming in a single while attending virtual or hybrid classes, making friends on campus this fall will look, like a lot of things, different.
So, how do you make friends again? Virtually, perhaps. Many incoming college freshmen connect with other students via college Facebook groups in order to find a roommate or a workout buddy. Online friendships can create a particular type of social anxiety but rather than use this sensation as an excuse, embrace this discomfort. In her article for Teen Vogue, Erin Nicole Celletti recommends getting comfortable with being uncomfortable because the reality is, underneath the Instagram Story Boomerang of their newly decorated dorm room, your peers are feeling just as nervous as you.
In fact, this nervousness CONNects (haha, I can make this pun because I am a senior) students. One solace my mom gave me as I laid awake the night before first-year move-in, full of anxiety was that sharing a common experience (entering college for the first time) bonds students together. This fact is two-fold this semester as students, whether incoming or returning, will all have to navigate the new experience of attending college during a pandemic. Melanie E. Long writes in her 2010 article for the Harvard Magazine that “There is something about taking a group of young people, putting them in the same place for four years (give or take a few), and telling them to work, live, and play together that facilitates connections unlike the relationships formed in any other parts of life.”
Zoom burnout, bi-weekly COVID tests, and homesickness will take a toll. Tamia Grady, vice president of the Black Student Union at Sacramento State told the Los Angeles Times that “engaging with your community is going to motivate you to want to engage with everything, even schoolwork.” Virtual friendships may not always feel authentic, and let’s be honest, there comes a time when your eyes glaze over your screen after hour five of Facetime. This is where finding ways to engage with your community as Grady suggests comes in; join student clubs and organizations that interest you, and keep an eye out for socially distant outdoor activities the college will (hopefully) organize.
Again, a lot of events may be virtual, but if you can find the courage to turn on your camera and wave to your peers from your dorm room, others will follow and be grateful someone started the trend. Saying “hi” to the person six feet from you, sliding a friendly note under your neighbor’s door to get to know them, or complimenting a peer’s shirt in a Zoom chat box are bold ways to establish friendships during COVID-19. Trust me, I know that awkward feeling of making eye contact with a student on your way to Harris and not knowing whether to say “hi” or not. During a pandemic, now is the time to reach out (at a six feet distance) and make a person’s day because we are all striving for a sense of human interaction right now.
After all, some of the friendships you make in college will last a lifetime, while others will not –– and that’s okay! But the fear of making just an acquaintance versus a best friend for life should not stop you from being friendly to everyone and stepping (socially distant, of course) outside of your comfort zone. In fact, close and distant friendships are linked to having better physical and mental health according to sociologists referenced in Elizabeth Segran’s article for The Lily. Developing friendships can improve your physical health and by consequence boost your immune system which helps fight COVID-19. But don’t take this as an invitation to ditch your mask and frolic about Tempel Green.
Your first year at college is a time to explore different subject materials, clubs not offered at your high school, and your identity. Building friendships is just one element of the college experience, but I urge you to ~smize and wave at the students you pass en route to Harris. I am about to get REAL sappy, so I apologize, but if you need someone to talk to, send me an email (because I am a grandma who goes to bed at 9:00 pm) or slide into my DMs, as the kids do these days.
