The Academic Costume

The Connecticut College website makes a point of mentioning many interesting stories amongst our student body.  But, the website also looks over some really good ones.  It has become our mission to dig deep into all stories of intrigue, taboo and the absurd in order to clear up rumors or outright lies.  This week I sat down with Matthew Patterson, known as the “kid who wears dragon shirts.”  While many students know him by his attire, I figured it was time to find out the man behind dragon.  Patterson is from Carlisle, MA and his favorite color is purple.

Q: Do you know you are kind of well known on campus as the “kid who wears dragon shirts?

A: I think I’ve heard that once or twice.

Q: How do you feel about this?

A: There are worse things to be known for.

Q: Where do you buy your shirts?

A: All over the place.  I buy a lot of them on dharmarose.com.

Q: I will definitely check that site out.  Have you always worn them?

A: It kind of started gradually.  I began wearing them sometime in early high school.  I don’t think there was really any thought to it.  I just gotta wear some sort of shirt so I figure it might as well be a shirt of something I like.

Q: Does your whole family wear dragon shirts?

A: My brother does.  He’s into this kind of stuff to.

Q: Your parents or any aunts or uncles?

A: Hahaha, no.

Q: If you could dress any Conn professor in a dragon shirt, who would it be?

A: I don’t know.  That’s a tough one.  Who would it be interesting to see in a dragon shirt…. probably Professor Monce.

Q: What does he teach?

A: Physics.  I’m a physics major.

Q: What languages do you speak?

A:  Just English.

Q:  That’s a good on though.  If you could trade places with any one person, living or dead, real or fictional, who would it be?

A:  Well, I really like Lord of The Rings (as you could probably tell).  But I don’t know if I would want to trade places with any of them.  I’m happy being me.

Q:  Similar question:  who would you want to play you in a movie?

A:  No one really looks like me.  Some no name actor I guess because if it were a celebrity, everyone would think of them instead of me.

Q:  What’s your favorite type of dragon?

A:  The European classical dragon.  Standard four legs, two wings, breaths fire.

Q:  If these dragons were around today, where would they live?  Amongst humans?

A:  I think they’d live as far away from people as possible.  That’s what the myths say, even in medieval times, they lived as far away from civilization as possible.

Q:  Maybe they are out there right now.  If you were the richest person in the world, what would you want your wealth to be in?

A:  I’d probably go with knowledge cause it can get you most anything else you’d want.

Q:  Smart man.  I want to ask you a few questions about Conn.  Do you like Harris?  What do you eat?

A:  Yeah, Harris is fine.  I have pasta and 1% milk almost everyday.

Q:  How do you view the average student at Conn?

A:  Um… I’m not sure I have a collective image of the average student.  I meet a lot of people and everyone is pretty different.

Q:  And last but not least, what are your graduation plans?  Will you continue to wear dragon shirts into the “real world”?

A:  I will definitely continue to wear the shirts.  I have no clue what I will do after college.

Q:  Oh, also, some lady friends of mine wanted me to ask you, are you single?

A:  Yup.

The Connecticut College website makes a point of mentioning many interesting stories amongst our student body.  But, the website also looks over some really good ones.  It has become our mission to dig deep into all stories of intrigue, taboo and the absurd in order to clear up rumors or outright lies.  This week we  popped a squat with senior “S.G.,” who is known around town as “the girl who shat in the recycling bin.”

Q:  Why did you not just use the bathroom?
S.G.  I couldn’t move.  I literally couldn’t move.  This happened then two minutes later I’m on the floor.  Like, I pulled down a towel from my towel rack because I thought I would throw up.  Two of my friends came into my room and were like ‘What did you do!?’  I wanted to deal with it but I couldn’t move.  I had no strength.

Q: Were you drinking irresponsibly?
S.G. Ohh yes.  There is no other way.  Why else would I have done this?  It was the first semester back from winter break.  I hadn’t been drinking at home so I was not very good at drinking come spring semester.  And ya. I had a cocktail mixture.  Rum, white wine, tequila.

Q:  Was this an easier way to poop? Would you recommend it?
S.G.  I would say no.  Because although there is the convenience factor of being able to shit in my own room, the aftermath is not worth it.

Q: Why did you choose the recycling bin over the trash can.  Was this an environmentally-charged decision?
S.G. My recycling bin was plastic and the trash can was a mesh one with a plastic bag.  It was more practical.

Q: Are you into recycling?
S.G.  It is a very big thing with me.  It is a big thing in my family.

Q:  Speaking of your family, do they know about this?
S.G. No!  I never told my parents.  I don’t want to make things worse.  My parents both went to Conn.

Q:  Will you tell your children?
S.G.  I don’t think I will tell my children.  It freaks me out when my dad tells me stories about his acid trips.  Actually, if they do something similar one day, maybe I’ll share.

Q: I think you should.  Now what did you do with the feces after the incident?
S.G. We took the recycle bin and threw that into a trash can.

Q: Have you shat in weirder receptacles?
S.G. Yes.  When I was in Thailand and the Philippines, I shat into holes.   I mean, I also used to shit in a diaper as a baby.

Q: What’s the weirdest rumor you’ve heard about this incident?
S.G. For the most part, it’s been pretty true to form.  Most people think it was a trash can instead of a recycling bin.  The problem is, the same night, another girl shat in a weird place.  Her poop story was overshadowed by mine.  Mine is gross, and mine is hilarious, but she SHAT on a DUDE while they were DOING it.

Q: What’s that story?
S.G. So, it was the same night.  They are hooking up in his room.  They’re naked. Making out.  About to do it.  IT!  He goes, “did you fart?”  She’s like “no!”  So they keep going at it.  She lifts up her leg and there is shit all down her leg.  All over him and all over the bed.

Q:  That sounds super gross.  What’s your favorite synonym for poop?
S.G. Shit.  I don’t know why.  I swear a lot.

Q: Do you like Florida?
S.G. Uh, yeah.  I like Florida.  I’ve been to Disney World five times.

Q: Do you like Floralia?
S.G. Yes.  I also like Floralia

Q: Do you plan on pooping in any other strange places?
S.G. No plans for the future.  I’m sticking with the toilets.  I’m living in Morrison so I have a clean toilet most of the time.

Q:  Why did you agree to do this interview?
S.G. Oh,  Because its funny.  I have to own it.  Embarrassing things happen to a lot of people and I don’t see the point in turning bright red every time someone brings this up.  Everyone has opinions of everyone else.  I no longer care.  I love to gossip.  Hello!  Sticks and stones, what’s the point? I don’t care if i’m the person everyone loves.  This is a funny story and everyone should hear this story.

Q: Did you consider transferring after all of this?
S.G. That’s what people always say to me!  They think its embarrassing.  I was like, “no!”  The other girl should have transferred. But no.  Why would i leave because of that?  Would you?

And there you have it! Stayed tuned for more explorations of our camel-laden, rumor-laden world.

From L to R: Dave Patry ‘10, Dennis Barrett ‘10, Steve Bloom ‘10