The Ultimate College Halloween Costume Guide

Photo courtesy of Unsplash.

Every year, millions of college kids struggle to come up with three unique costumes for their annual Halloweekend. Do they go funny? Do they go sexy? Do you go alone? As part of a group? As part of a couple? 

Now, being a white guy with brown hair means that when it comes to Halloween costumes, the world is my… what’s the Halloween equivalent of an oyster? A Snickers? I’ve done it all. I’ve gone dorky, I’ve gone funny, I’ve done costumes I have neither the muscle tone nor bone structure for in a hapless attempt to look good. I have done multiple of the costumes on this list. If you’re strapped for ideas on the spookiest weekend of the year, here’s probably the most common, or even basic, college Halloween costumes.

3 Hole Punch Jim and Pam

I have never seen a couple who has done this costume stay together lol.

Alien

The fact that people can just wear a wacky color scheme and call it a costume means you have no excuse to do anything less

Angel

The irony here is that every time I see this costume I become more certain there is no God.

Any Other ‘Office’ Character

I have seen so many women dressed as Dwight in college that I’m getting really frustrated I haven’t seen a single lax bro dressed as Angela.

Any Tarantino Character

“You’re such a loser,” Eli writes about dudes who wear Tarantino costumes knowing damn well he’s dressed as Cliff Booth multiple times and has owned two Pulp Fiction posters.

Boxer

I kind of respect finding an excuse to wear a robe in public, so kudos.

Britney Spears

Britney costumes every year until her piece of s**t dad dies.

Bunny

The average “doe” rabbit will birth around 3 or 4 litters in a season, which could be as many as 50 babies! That’s about 1/10th of the number of girls you’ll see dressed in this costume in one night.

Cat

If I shine a laser pointer out the door will the 700 of you in this costume please leave?

Cop

Son, you better be a stripper otherwise we’re gonna have to ask you to go.

Cowgirl

OH!? Like the… like the position! Did you come up with that? A HA HA HA. HA. HA. OH MY GOD THAT’S GOOD!

Devil

There are more devil costumes every year than there are actual dead people in Hell.

Doctor or Nurse

I’m gonna guess we can’t rely on you if someone passes out, right?

Frat Bro

Nah, I kind of love this one. Please do this more <3

Han Solo

No, your girlfriend does not want to be Princess Leia. Please stop asking her.

Just kidding, you don’t have a girlfriend.

Hippie

Do NOT eat this kid’s candy

“I Don’t Know”

“What’s your costume?” 

“Oh, I don’t know!” 

“And I don’t know why you’re here!”

Jersey / Athlete

You are the worst guy at the party. In the same way that chess is a sport, this outfit is a costume.

The Joker

No, the Joker has never worn a fedora. Please put it back.

The Joker & Harley Quinn

Unlike Jim & Pam, I can at least actively root for this couple to not stay together.

Jordan Belfort

Ok never mind. This guy is the worst.

Lumberjack

Over-under on how many “saw you in half” jokes this guy makes tonight? 12? Too low?

No Costume

Somehow better than “I don’t know,” still definitely worse than anything at all.

Playboy Bunny & Hugh Hefner

This costume ranges from barely bearable to really gross depending on which one of your ideas this was.

Priest or Nun

Even I am not so cynical that I can’t appreciate the irony of these costumes being occupied by probably the filthiest people you know.

Risky Business

I REALLY respect finding an excuse to not wear pants in public. You kids are clever.

Skier

Maybe the smartest costume of the night, because this is the only friend who won’t be suffering in the cold while waiting for the Uber

Tourist

Fanny Packs: Practical and Sexy

A perfect Halloween costume.

White Claw

A costume as basic as your tastebuds is a safe pick!

Witch

You only get a pass if your skin is green and you make at least one Monty Python reference