The Camels Hump: what’s the difference between a kink and a fetish?

I’ll answer student-submitted sex and relationship questions.

Sex and relationships. We love them, we hate them, but we are all involved with them in some way. Here at The Camels Hump, we believe that if you’re going to do it, you should know how to be safe, how to be successful and how to talk about sex and relationships in a healthy, positive and informed way. So we’re here to help you. If you need advice on what to do, how to do it or how to talk about it with your friends after the fact, you’ve come to the right place. Welcome to The Camels Hump – shall we begin?

What’s the difference between a kink and a fetish?

These are two very commonly misused words, but there is in fact a world of difference between kinks and fetishes. Sexual fetishes are sexual responses to objects, or objectified body parts, that are not usually considered sexual in nature (an extreme attraction to a really hot girl, sadly, does not count).

Although there are different levels of fetishism, it is usually accepted that the object of attraction must be present, at least in the imagination, for gratification. For example, a foot fetishist may not always need feet to be present or directly involved while having sex, but will not be able to get off without fantasizing about feet. In the same vein, “furries,” or people who dress in animal costumes, may only have to imagine being in costume to get the kind of experience they’re looking for.

Similarly, a fetishist may not need to partake in what is considered normal sexual activity (think about that next time you hug a camel mascot). For example, a man in Rhode Island was recently arrested for staring at feet at a bus station. He was indulging his fetish simply by looking at women’s feet, although he was not arrested until he was discovered on his hands and knees attempting to lick a woman’s shoe. (For all Rhode Island residents, he will not be back prowling the bus stations of Warwick until 2011).

Despite this slightly frightening story, fetishes are relatively common. Fetishists are normal people, and having a fetish is, contrary to popular belief, not a strange, dangerous or crazy thing.

Some fetishes are more common than others, and from an outside perspective can seem quite silly. A good fetishist ought to recognize that their fetish may seem strange to others, particularly if it is very uncommon. The most common fetishes that one might encounter include latex, bondage, feet and leather. More unusual fetishes exist, however, and, thanks to the internet, these people can find communities that cater to their needs. The right Google search will reveal groups for those interested in diapers, mythical creatures, giant people, pie fights and the statue of the naked man in the library.

Kinks on the other hand, are enjoyable activities that do not have to be practiced for sexual gratification (however, if you always indulge your partner’s kink, they will probably be eternally grateful). They can involve objects or objectification, but certainly don’t have to, and don’t have to be the main focus of a sexual encounter. For example, all of you who are getting down in the showers can now identify as kinky, and judging from what Conn students write in certain anonymous forums, there are some kinky people on campus.