Last semester I heard through the grapevine that you’re getting faster Internet, but it’s been almost a month into second semester and I’ve seen no results.
Last night it took me TWO HOURS to stream one porn video off Redtube.com. At home I can usually load at least three porn videos simultaneously, specifically on nights when I couldn’t decide on focusing my erotic fantasies between Sasha Grey, Jada Fire, or Bree Olson. And don’t even get me started with how slow Facebook has been running now that everyone’s back on it all the time. How do you expect me to scan through photo albums for pictures of girls I like in bathing suits when it takes me three minutes to load a single album page, only to finally make it through that album and not find a single tantalizing bikini photo of that girl from my Econ class?? TWO HOURS, Conn!
I have never been more frustrated; I cannot stop my knee from jittering in class! Last night I managed to make it through to the end of a video, the money shot was about to take place, I was at that final moment of ecstasy where you just want to shout out “I AM A F***ING CONQUISTADOR!” when suddenly the video froze right on a picture of Lexington Steel’s looming member, laughing at my misfortune.
Consider me conquered.
Yours truly,
Dave Alfonso
