With Housefellows for the 2010 – 2011 academic year freshly selected, I think it’s time to turn our attention to an issue addressed by SGA President Peter Friedrichs in an email dated February 22. He circulated a message to the student body informing us of the Student Government Association’s initiatives for the semester; these issues are both short- and long-term.
The message takes the form of a list: concerns are marked by bullet points and some are accompanied by explanations of what’s being done to address them. An example: “Improve J-Board transparency – A mock trial Judicial Board was held for all students on December 11, with approximately 50 attendees.”
There was one issue that seemed especially glaring to me: “Increase participation within Houses.” This seems like a grave concern for our residential college community. If we don’t participate within our houses, where are we participating? The only comment on this issue is “All SGA and SAC positions are currently filled.” With one SGA senator and one SAC rep from each house, we’re still missing something crucial, something that can pull all of us together as housemates.
I have the solution: Mousefellows.
Before I explain my proposal, you should note that only the most prestigious of on-campus positions are followed with that hallowed post-script “fellow.” We have senior admissions fellows (they get their own business cards), housefellows and CELS fellows. By instituting the Mousefellow position, the Office of Residential Education and Living would be making its largest, most ambitious strides yet toward dorm unity and cohesion.
My proposal is this: each residential house receives one mouse at the beginning of the school year (preferably during orientation). The incoming freshmen of each dorm will have a few days to meet their residence rodent. Once the upperclassmen move in, they’ll get the chance to bond with the animals.
Each house will use their first general meeting to draw up a schedule with each student taking care of the mouse for at least two days per semester. This will encourage animal lovers to spend time with their Mousefellows while still forcing the less animal-inclined students to develop some kind of bond. This caretaking will be self-regulated with the help of the Honor Code.
Once students have grown to know (and hopefully to love) their new mascots, there will be a series of competitions during the opening ceremony of Camelympics. These will include but not be limited to: best dressed, fastest in a straight footrace, fastest through an unfamiliar maze, best at ironically playing the board game Mouse Trap and best cheese-finding prowess in Harris.
After these and other trials, the Office of Residential Education and Living will create and circulate Mousefellow trading cards with statistics: height, weight, birthday, zodiac sign, favorite movie, and time on the three-meter dash. This will create an awareness of Mousefellows on campus. Students will not only take care of their own rodent, but will actively take an interest in all the others, bridging the gulfs between Branford and Plant, Ridge and Abbey, JA and KB.
Perhaps if students, faculty and staff feel strongly enough about the idea, a card game a la Pokemon or Magic: The Gathering could be created. This would even open the door for creative writing or film studies students to create Redwall-esque fantasy narratives using their favorite mice. Don’t even get me started on what the Dance Department could create if they jumped on the Mousefellow bandwagon. A spirit of friendly competition would do wonders for this school’s oft-described, much maligned apathy and disconnectedness.
House residents will have the entire year to train their animals for the final culminating Mousefellow ceremony during Floralia. At this point, the contests from Camelympics will be repeated and each house will bestow upon their mice various superlatives (most improved, least likely to survive more than eighteen months and closest resemblance to Stuart Little, among others). This event will prove to be infinitely more entertaining than the previous competitions due to the general level of drunkenness of the student body.
This system will be sure to have its critics, especially among those inclined towards animal rights or animal liberation or whatever PETA is into. I’ll respond simply by saying I don’t care much for PETA. This proposal must be taken seriously if we are to piece together the fragments of our broken houses. Office of Residential Education and Living, give us Mousefellows or give us death.
A house divided against itself and Mousefellows cannot stand.
