A Different Take on SGA

Many students wonder how decisions around campus are made and how exactly the Student Government Association works. While there are detailed minutes posted online quoting the entirety of meetings, they are extremely lengthy and sometimes difficult to follow. This is especially true if a student doesn’t have thirty minutes to spare to try and determine what the resolution was on how to join the Centennial Committee. So, I’d like to propose a more concise report of the SGA minutes to offer a brief but comprehensive summary of each meeting. I hope the following helps make SGA more accessible to students and encourages increased student involvement in official matters. Using the example of the minutes from the meeting on February 18, 2010, the revised minutes would look something like this:

I. Open Forum
a. Renewable Energy Certificates
Discussion of how to allocate the annual $40,000 budget spent on energy credits sends SGA wild with desire. Mysterious pile of bacon cheeseburgers appears in corner of the 1941 room. Burgers ignored for time being. Four options were seductively suggested:
1. 100% wind energy Green-e Certified Renewable Energy Certificates, which offset about 100% our electricity purchase
2. Installation of several Moonbounce units, preferably in the shape of miniature castles
3. Tantalizing Hickory Barbecue Sauce
4. Purchase the REC’s from 3Degrees for a two-year contract for about $39,900 all together
Slight arousal and confusion ensues over the source of the money. Large portion of SGA visibly excited by options two and three. SGA members agree that voting on multiple options would be the best investment, especially option three. Giant pile of bacon cheeseburgers now takes up one-third of the room. Members of SGA begin eating burgers, slathering them in both BBQ and cheese sauce.

II. Old Business
a. Renewable Energy Credits
Members of SGA yearning for release from the pressure of RECs.
Committee for summertime fun proposed: unanimous vote in favor. Passes.

III. New Business
SGA begins firing up grill, despite thousands of mysterious burgers present. Large amounts of chicken and bison slathered in hickory delight. Majority of SGA quivering with anticipation over consumption of sizzling chicken breasts. Three members lazily sip Sarsaparilla and check pocket watches. Furious discussion over the merits of home-style vs. hickory erupts. Hours lost.
Several Moonbounces inflated, all in shape of miniature castles. Majority of SGA commences bouncing. Hours lost. Unidentified alligators wander into Moonbounce, proceed to pop with sharp claws. Anti-alligator sentiment in SGA grows.
Mint Juleps all around. Proposal for riverboat to cross the Thames and other bodies of water is greeted by huzzahs from SGA and emphatic boos from alligators.
Several Kissing Booths set up. These quickly devolve into Make-Out Booths. Cheese sauce is poured on multiple members of SGA while furiously making out, forming giant pool of cheese sauce. Alligators are unhappy with lack of alligator kissing booths.
Two members of SGA begin wrestling in pit of cheese sauce. Everyone wins.
SGA room overrun by mysterious bacon burgers and cheese sauce. Meeting forced to close.

IV. Announcements
a. Moist Towelettes and cornbread are required for the next meeting. Ribs encouraged.

V. Adjournment