Courtesy of Facebook
[Editor’s Note: Regarding the incomprehensibility of this article, we made attempts to reach the author and succeeded in those attempts, but they were entirely unhelpful in elucidating the material. Read at your own risk.]
Well, friends. It looks like it’s time to wrap things up. I hope you’ve enjoyed my articles. I looked over them a few times, and besides the one about the dance review, I think they’re pretty good. It’s not over yet, though. There are still plenty of surprises left, so hold on to your hat!
I’d like to use this time to take a break from writing. So why don’t you sit back, kick off your shoes, and have some Frosted Flakes? If you’d like something else, I think we have some Cro pizza left over from last night.
We sure have had a lot of fun together, haven’t we? We’ve laughed, we’ve cried and then we’ve laughed again. Let’s take a look back at some of the best moments we’ve shared together and some new moments from your favorite articles.
“However, I do have one problem with Campus Safety that I think everyone will agree with: they are undercharging us,” (Donald Budge, 2008).
They haven’t changed a bit have they? Those were the good ole days when we were just starting getting to know our pals, campus safety. We’ve sure had a lot of adventures and parking tickets since then. Let’s look at another clip from when things got a little wacky:
“THIS IS EXACTLYWHY WE NEED PROHIBITION TO PREVENT STUFF LIKE THIS FROM HAPPENING SO EVERYONES SUPER COOOL WITH EVERYONE AND WED ALL BE BEST FRIENDS WITH TOTL BANANA BREAD THE END OKAY LETS SLEEP! GO CAMPELMPYICS LETS GO! I CANT BELIEVE MY MOM SENT ME MOOKIES ITS TERRIBLE OKAY GOODNIGHT BYE EVERYONE LOVE YOU!” (Donald Budge, 2008).
No issues of plagiarism here. What a hoot. Things got a little out of hand that night, didn’t they? That’s okay. It’s those types of memories that make lasting friendships. How about the time Dean Bengochea got mixed up with those lovable raccoons in the great raccoon caper of ‘07? Why don’t we check that out?
“Going for the pineapple, Dean Bengochea found himself playing right into the raccoon’s hand. Now stuck in their trap, Bandit the raccoon admiral stole all of his garbage and sent out concerns that the camel mascot needed to be updated,”
As a special treat we even have a letter from Professor Emeritus Charles Chu. Let’s take a look at this never before seen footage:
“Sunday after-noon seems to have become a time for us to make love in our married life. In spite of our age, we ran into the wood until we were too tired to run any further, we lay ourselves on the ground, and had such a sweet time together, just as the time we had in the Berkley Hill in the 8th of Sept. 1945.
Tomorrow is my first final day, here I stop, but will kiss you—don’t you where?
Love Chuck,”
Haha. Wasn’t that fun?
For our last treat we have some outtakes from Lobstergate, including the never-before-seen alternate ending. Let’s give that a spin, shall we?
“‘As I understand it, a group of students bought lobsters for themselves and asked the chefs at Harris if they would cook them. Other students approached and began inquiring how they could get the same. It is alleged that ‘classist’ remarks were made, and frustration built when not every student sitting at the table gave the same response to students asking about the meaning of the whole event.”
‘You have a fax!’ yelled Gary the ninja dinosaur, handing a fax to Dean Bengochea as he exploded (Budge, 2010).
‘This just in. We’re having a disco party on May 7, 2010, at my house at 10 PM and everyone is invited,’ yelled Dean Bengochea ripping off his shirt and flexing his biceps as he laughed hysterically.”
Well it looks like we’re running out of time here. I have to go finish up graduating, and I’m sure you’re busy too. I’ll see you at the reunion if things make it that far. It’s been fun.
Bibliography
Budge, Donald. “I’m So Drunk.” Cat Fancy May-June 1986: 23-36. Meowww. Print.
Budge, Donald. “Expect a Lot from This Story.” Blue Mesa Review 23 (2010): 1-9. Web. 24 Apr. 2010.
Chu, Charles. “Family Anecdote (7).” Letter to Bettie Simmons. 27 Jan. 1947. MS. Fell out of a Russian to Chinese Dictionary I Picked up in the Free Book Section in Shain Library. This Letter Is Real., New London, CT.
The 80s were the golden years of Cat Fancy, truly.
My only question Donald — why did you take a Russian to Chinese Dictionary from the free book stack?
I love the picture included with this article.
Bandit the raccoon admiral….loved it!
Raccoon admiral? I thought racoon’s were in the land based armed forces.