Kiefer Roberts. Illustration by Alicia Toldi.
Dear Connecticut College Community,
In addition to the slight variation in this column’s title this week, please notice my lack of descriptors. That’s mostly because I’ve been doing some quality thinking, and though my somewhat socially-informed and often accurate calling-outs might be funny and are meant to embarrass a little, I try not to overgeneralize the lovely community in which I live. Last week, a really good friend made a rather asinine comment.
“Hey, I’m surprised you’re not wearing purple today,” he said to me.
Confused as to his motives, I asked why my lack of purple/periwinkle/lavender attire confounded him. “Because you’re gay,” he matter-of-factly replied. Well…I’m aware of that, but does that mean I have to be all triangles, sparkles and rainbows like an acid trip-inducing Lisa Frank folder? It was later brought to my attention that that particular day was designated as an LGBTQ support day, and lots of individuals on campus, gay and straight, were wearing purple. But the thought had already crossed my mind – do we as a community always do this? Do we all generalize based on superficial attributes that actually hold no meaning whatsoever? And the answer, my friends, is yes. Yes, we do.
Ever see a young woman wearing heels in Harris on a Tuesday afternoon or evening? Chances are someone else has too, and they’ve called, are calling, or will call her a whore. Why?! They’re really nice shoes! But it doesn’t matter, because people are guessing who she is based on what she looks like.
What about a boy in skinny jeans and a flannel shirt? Probably a hipster from Brooklyn who loves Sleigh Bells and probably watches Whale Wars. It’s the beginning of November, so flannel shirts are kind of the item to be wearing in 40-degree weather. It happens everywhere, and almost everyone is guilty of it, myself included. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard that someone didn’t belong here because they’re more of a “Trinity girl” or that someone with a beard and an appreciation for music that doesn’t sound like it was produced in an electronic club in Berlin should “go to Wesleyan.”
This mentality, which is insane, is incredibly prevalent on our campus. And sure, categorization helps us make sense of our world – we automatically assign everyone a gender, a race, and more than likely a sexuality. It’s what is instinctive and what allows us to move through our environment – it’s nature! – but why go the extra mile to assign someone a personality characteristic (tramp, idiot, misogynist, homophobe, potential grand imperial wizard of the Klan) based on their superficial appearance? Yes, she might walk into class with a lacrosse stick or he might be wearing a v-neck but you have no idea who they are, so to assume that she’s a douche and he’s a skank is like, real rude. Switch the gender in the previous sentence, and the same is true.
I know that college is a weird, drunken, often hazy (especially after Halloween) place. I know that we all enter college as eighteen-year old clowns, people who think they know things and “how people are.” I know that more than one of us has believed, within two months of being here, that there are actually only twenty-three people who go to Conn, and that the other 1,832 are just cheap minimized and maximized carbon copies of the originals. And I know that it’s difficult in a place as small as Camp Conn Coll to believe that there are lots of new and interesting people out there, waiting to meet their kindred No-way!-I-really-like-the-smell-of-new-rugs-too! spirit.
But trust me, there are people here who, despite a perception of their outward selves, would blow your mind if you simply engaged them in conversation rather than spitting out that nasty comment. I’m just saying, the next time you start to make an assumption about a stranger, make sure it’s not a gross categorization and instead is a pointed, honest, and specific scathing comment. It makes you feel smarter and slightly better that way. Trust me, I know.
Think About It,
Kiefer
