About a month ago I set up a Twitter account with my name on it. My dad uses Twitter , some of my friends use twitter and more than a few of my favorite celebrities hire people to tweet for them. I assumed that Twitter would be a positive addition to my lifestyle.
Unfortunately, I was wrong and I have since given up on Twitter.
Tweeting, I have discovered, requires the use of phone with some online capabilities. As of the moment my phone is taped together by yellow duct tape after a tragic “snooze button” accident involving me rolling over it in bed. Since then my phone, the only Blackberry Pearl Flip still in existence, has failed to consistently tell time and will drain its battery over the course of a long lunch.
The Blackberry Pearl Flip in all its glory
My technological inadequacies are not the only thing barring me from Twitter. I have also been recently discouraged by my followers. Today I was excited to find out that ” Watch the Book of Eli” is now following me on Twitter. I don’t have the faintest idea what such a specific and descriptive command could possibly be doing following me on twitter. I haven’t ever seen The Book of Eli but if they’re going to be following me I sure hope it’s available on Netflix.
Perhaps when I get my next phone, something hopefully smarter than my current one ( see photo to the left), I will start my Twitter career back up. Yet, in the mean time I’m just going to amass a large amount of Twitter followers by tweeting nothing. Over the last month I have totaled 9 tweets, 4 of which were re-tweets of Conan O’Brien, a miniscule number that was nonetheless sufficient to attract such celebrities as my friend the Book of Eli , Baltimore Sun Newspaper, The entire city of Baltimore and a woman names Paulette1989 who apparently has an appreciation for waning months of the 1980’s. I am also being followed by Westerns25, a twitter that specializes in “tweeting about reviews books of Westerns.” Not only is that grammar extremely poor but Tweeting about reviews of books on Westerns can’t be an exciting existence.
WATCH THE BOOK OF ELI NOW!!!
On a completely unrelated note: I found a box of Raisin Bran next to the second floor toilet in Blaustein. It’s good to know that emergency fiber is on hand when needed.
Shout out to new SGA president DIANE ESSIS: You’re just inches away from achieving your dream of being an astronaut.
I would also like to apologize to the Voice Staff for blogging about once every Solstice. I will up my game.
-Rod
That band Switchfoot, from the Mandy Moore movie, is following me on Twitter. So is something called iSouvlaki.