A Male Perspective On Speed Dating

The unofficial insignia of speed dating.

There is no dating scene at Conn. If this doesn’t sound shocking, that’s because it isn’t. The casual hook-up culture reigns supreme, and the traditional dating process is quickly becoming irrelevant in a society that values speed and convenience over anything else. A more accurate statement might be, “There is no dating scene anywhere,” but rather than sound like a doomsayer, I figured it would be wiser to keep the focus on us Camels. I don’t mean to scold Conn for being this way; for many of us, there’s just no time for dating. We’re in college and practically obligated to bite off more than we can chew. Between schoolwork, student employment, CELS, club activities and team sports, the idea of fitting in the time to ask someone out for a cup of coffee seems impossible.

Therefore, the 2014 Class Council performed a very interesting experiment last Friday when they held what I assume was Harris’ first (but hopefully not last) speed dating event. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the concept, here’s how speed dating works: put a bunch of singles in a room, have them chat for two minutes and then, at the sound of a cowbell (rung by Liam Lawson ‘14), make them change places and “date” someone else. It’s like experiencing dozens of first impressions in a very short time.

Because I am a proud member of a school that I like to think has a sense of humor as ironic as my own, I was psyched when Facebook informed me that over fifty of my classmates were going to attend this potentially hilarious event. Imagine my disappointment when I arrived at the “anti-social” room in Harris and discovered that only fifteen other people had deemed speed dating worthy of their time. Shuyler Nazareth ’14, grinning and wearing a suit jacket, led me to an open chair as I walked in, and I found myself face-to-face with a freshman girl. We chatted first and foremost about what sat on the table between us: a small dish filled with beanstalks and shredded lettuce, drizzled with strawberry sauce. Just before we figured out what it was, the bell rang and my date was replaced with another freshman girl. This time we managed to exchange Conn’s classic pleasantries such as “Where are you from?” and “What are you majoring in?” before the bell rang yet again, replacing my date with yet another freshman girl. Four freshman girls later, things had already begun to wind down. Most of them had come as part of the same group and they got bored fairly quickly.

The evening was, in every way, a graceful disaster. The whole thing didn’t really work; I ended up going on second and third “dates” with people due to a lack of participants, and there wasn’t even a sheet of paper to write down names and numbers that would allow people to meet up later on (not that anybody would have done that, but still). However, I use the word “graceful” because there was a brief period of about ten or fifteen minutes where everything actually functioned as advertised. Prashanth Selvam ’14 and Nazareth could be seen darting around, matching people up when gaps in the rotation left people dateless. The atmosphere was not nearly as awkward as I had anticipated; the air of the room had a kind of charming desperation about it, mainly due to the fact that the following question was in the back of everyone’s mind: is anyone taking this seriously?

That was the real question of the evening. The answer? Nobody wanted to if everyone else wasn’t. Let’s be honest: speed dating is pretty damn silly. I can’t imagine anyone walked into Harris that evening expecting to meet his or her significant other. You can’t nurture a spiritual connection in two minutes. At least on Saturday nights a combination of alcohol, loud music and dark rooms creates the illusion of emotional intimacy. So why did people show up? I theorized that the people who went were taking the whole thing more seriously than they would have liked to admit. I’m pretty sure I was right. People didn’t want to put their self-esteem on the line by openly looking for a relationship at a venue as kitschy as speed dating, but they couldn’t pass up the chance, however small it was, that they would meet the person of their dreams at the most unlikely of places.

The problems with last Friday’s event are reflective of larger problems in the dating world. I’m not saying people should have gone speed dating without their tongues firmly in their cheeks, but they might have at least given it the benefit of the doubt. For all of its absurdity, speed dating does manage to get people to sit down and listen to each other, even if only for two minutes. If people actually participated, we might have been able to make an observation about the unfairness of the dating scene. This may or may not lead us to a solution, but it’s the first step in getting young people to figure out how romance factors into their lives. •

Illustration by Sam Mauck ’12