Must be nice to be a country that has so little on its agenda that they have time during their House of Commons session to discuss a possible zombie invasion! Maybe we should just move to Canada…
On Wednesday, February 13, in the middle of a House of Commons session, Canadian Parliament member Pat Martin stood to address the Speaker of the House. Reading from a note card, he expressed a tongue-in-cheek concern that Canada would be unprepared in the case of a zombie invasion. He seemed especially worried about a zombie apocalypse occurring in the United States and then spreading into Canada, thus turning into a full on “zombie pandemic,” according to Martin.
“So, on behalf of concerned Canadians everywhere, Mister Speaker, I want to ask the Minister for Foreign Affairs, is he working with his American counterparts to develop an international zombie strategy so that a zombie invasion does not turn into a zombie apocalypse?” Martin inquired.
He started his address to the Speaker of the House by complimenting the emergency measures taken by America’s Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in regards to a zombie invasion. Upon further investigation, a page was found on the CDC website detailing how to prepare and what to do during a zombie invasion. The website also details the plan that the CDC has in case of a zombie apocalypse.
“CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated,” according to the CDC website.
The Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister, John Baird, responded to Martin’s concern by providing flippant assurance that he is “dead-icated” to making sure that Canada is never infiltrated by zombies.
As the Beach Boys would say, “Wouldn’t it be nice…” and, well, wouldn’t it be nice if the United States Congress had time to discuss a zombie invasion like Canada evidently does? Unfortunately, right now, Congress has bigger fish to fry. Though, I would tend to argue, in line with the opinion of the CDC, that if the United States government is prepared for a zombie apocalypse, then it would also be prepared for all number of natural disasters such as hurricanes, earthquakes and terrorist attacks. So perhaps Canada is one step ahead of us. While the United States Congress bickers about basic human rights, the Keystone XL pipeline and reviving our decrepit economy, Canada is getting ready for the next big thing: death by zombies. If only we could be so lucky. Personally, I am of the opinion that global climate change will bring about an “apocalypse” of sorts before zombies get the chance to start taking over the world one human brain at a time. I would hope that governments around the world would take that into account before a zombie apocalypse, but it is definitely not as flashy.
Though a zombie apocalypse is not imminent, it is important to be prepared for anything and everything. It gives more credence to Conn’s biannual event of Humans vs. Zombies, huh? •
