My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship that I’m afraid is starting to take its toll. I’m a freshman here at Conn and he’s a sophomore at Skidmore. We’ve been together since high school and have managed to make the distance work up until recently. I started sensing something was wrong over winter break as he was pretty distant and wouldn’t really go into detail about his life at school, which is pretty uncharacteristic of him. We used to tell each other everything and now it seems as though he has this whole other life that I’m not a part of. I’m very sad about this and I’m not sure what to do. I know I should focus on my work but I’ve been so distracted lately. I’m nervous about the uncertainty of the future and I feel paralyzed. What advice would you have for someone stuck in a rut?
Sincerely,
Stuck in love
With Valentines Day looming, matters of the heart surely become more apparent. Let me start off by saying that I’m sorry this situation has been causing you distress for it does not have to be this way. While I do not know specific details regarding the dynamics of your relationship, I have confidence that you both have somewhat of an understanding of each other as individuals for a couple that has been together since high school. I’m sure you are feeling a plethora of unfavorable emotions that range from anger and hurt towards him as well as confusion and dejection towards yourself all of which are perfectly understandable. While you are completely valid in your feelings, as the unknown of the future is anxiety inducing and it is easy to take a pessimistic approach, ultimately negative emotions do not serve to your advantage.
You say you feel paralyzed and stuck in a rut in response to how your boyfriend is behaving towards you at the moment and I’m here to tell you that your emotional response to his actions is your choice and you should feel very empowered by this because it will allow you to shift perspectives on the situation. You and your significant other are both doing the college-thing, which involves numerous variables that can put strain on the communication of a relationship, especially one that is long distance. You both have your own schedules, interests and hobbies that surely made you attracted to one another in the first place. I know you have been feeling down lately and thus haven’t felt like producing anything whether it be work or hobby related, but I think it would be very beneficial to perhaps take a mental vacation from your relationship for at least a week.
Use this time wisely to discover what inspires and excites you as a smart, independent individual. Get to know yourself. Make weird art or whatever tickles your fancy. If thoughts or feelings come up that are less than pleasant, do not judge yourself, simply observe the thought and the energy it carries and make a choice to choose a thought with a better feeling. Once you have achieved a better feeling place, approach the situation with your boyfriend by being honest and communicative with your feelings. While I do not know what the future has in store for you both, I am certain that if you both handle things with a mutual respect for one another as people a peaceful solution will present itself. •
