Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a squirrel named Tempest. This squirrel was very popular amongst the other squirrels in their tree-top village, as she was very beautiful, among other things. Her professional life consisted of odd jobs at illicit film and magazine companies, combined with high end escort work she did on the side.
She was a favorite of Donald Duck, a high ranking, albeit small flippered, official in the United Quackers of Duckmerica. At his request, Tempest also made discreet visits to the icy shores of St. Polarsburg, to entertain Vladabear Polartin. However, Donald Duck told her to keep those visits secret because he didn’t want the rest of the Ducks in Duckmerica to discover his secret relationship with the Polar Bears.
As Donald’s favorite Squirrel, she was privy to schemes that he was planning for the future of Duckmerica. After one of her many visits with Donald, where he started the session by grabbing her by the tail, Tempest asked him why he was building a dam on the South Border of Duckmerica.
“We can’t have the Sloths come into Duckmerica—Sloths are criminals and rapists—and what’s worse is that they’re lazy,” Donald told her. “They try to take jobs from the average Duck, depriving our very own pure-blooded Ducks of their livelihood.”
“Don’t worry Tempest,” said Donald, misreading the horrified look on her face. “I’m going to force the Sloths to build their own dam. No Duck will be building it.”
“What about the Sloth families? This dam will forcibly separate them, Tempest said. “Imagine not being able to see your wife, Duckania, or your other daughter/wife IvancDuck.”
“Tempest, I’ll ignore your ignorance for the moment, as you’re both a woman and a Squirrel, but you must understand the incontrovertible difference between Ducks and Sloths. Ducks aren’t from shithole countries.”
Donald stood up from the bed, his blonde hairpiece fluttering slightly as he did so. “It is my solemn duty as King Duck to make Duckmerica great again- and I will speak for the common duck when I say: Sloths will never have a place in this beautiful country. I will see to it personally that those animals never enter this beautiful Duck nation. Make Duckmerica Great Again!” •
Donald Trump duck in Amsterdam store. Photo courtesy of Sophia Angele-Kuehn.
