Let’s say you don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day — perhaps you just broke up with someone just in time for the holiday, or maybe you’ve been single for a long time now. Perhaps you’ve fallen victim to the heteropatriarchal capitalist idea that one must participate in a monogamous romantic relationship in order to be truly happy. In any case, you may feel tempted to pick up your phone and try a new way to play with someone’s heartstrings: online dating.
Sharon Van Meter, a junior History major, jokingly calls herself “a self-proclaimed Tinder expert.” Indeed, in 2018 she met up with 8 different people that she had met on Tinder to give online dating a try. Unfortunately, her experience hasn’t been all hearts and chocolates. In fact, Van Meter states that every experience she’s had on Tinder has been “kind of bananas.”
The longest relationship Van Meter had on Tinder lasted five days.
“He was like, ‘Oh my god, you’re unforgettable, you’re one is a million,’ and then he was like, ‘I’m breaking up with you,’ and I was just like, ‘Okay. Cool.’”
Van Meter’s experience with Tinder is pretty common. There are hundreds of websites, social media accounts, and books dedicated to failed Tinder experiences — the Instagram page @byefelipe serving as an example of how particularly aggressive some people can be — but why is it that electronic relationships fail to provide a spark for so many hopeless romantics?
“There’s the element of anonymity,” states Van Meter. “You only have a couple of pictures and a bio to go by, and people are much more confident to say whatever they want. You have no obligation to meet this person — you can just talk to them all you want.” Indeed, name-calling, harassment, stalking, and ghosting are made much easier due to the fact that the pressure of face-to-face interaction is almost entirely eliminated.
Van Meter is not one to dwell on the negative, though. Instead, she decided to create an event where others could share their romantic escapades and flirtation flops. Thus, Tinder Tales was born.
One might believe that an event held on a Thursday night, with brutal winter winds blowing harshly outside, might not draw in a crowd — especially considering that this Valentine’s Day activity was anything but romantic. Nonetheless, whether it was from the suspense of listening to stalker stories or simply because there was an open tab at Coffee Grounds, there was barely any standing room by 8:25 that evening.
The actors, all decked out in pink, recited various monologues anonymously submitted by Conn students. Each and every tale contained a suitor or experience that one has surely run into before on Tinder.
Perhaps you’ve met someone like “The Psycho Stalker,” who tells his date that he doesn’t have his driver’s license because he’s had “a tussle with the DMV.” Maybe you’ve met the guy who brings his rabid dog on a date — and when said dog bites and bruises the date, he simply monotonously states, “Boba. Stop that. Sorry, he’s still very young.” You’ve definitely met a guy like Zach, who takes chivalry way too far by racing his date to open the door, and visibly becomes upset when his date opens the door first. In this particular Tinder Tale, Zach asks his date to kiss him, and afterwards declares, “Wow. You’re bad,” and asks for a redo. I, for one, hope that Zach realizes that everything from his name to his outdated mannerisms screams adolescent insecurity. As comedian Chris Fleming once said, “That’s not even an adult’s name. That’s a teenager’s name. Unless you rode out of your mother’s uterus on a BMX bike popping a wheelie, there’s no excuse to be named Zach.”
Is there any hope for finding love on Tinder? One Tinder Tale told the story of a Jewish girl finding a fulfilling relationship that was “anything but kosher.” What’s more, one of Van Meter’s best friends found love on Tinder, and she thinks, “They’re probably going to get married.”
Additionally, Van Meter notes that dating apps are sometimes the only options for certain people, especially if one is queer or lives in a small town. “I’m bisexual, so it’s harder to meet up with women in person,” she says. “Tinder has helped me with that.”
Still, she notes that she’s had more failures than successes with the app. “Love is just a deeply personal thing for me. I think it’s going to have to be someone I’m already friends with in the end.”
Ultimately, if you don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day (or for the rest of the year), there’s no reason to be sad. In fact, I would recommend that you jump for joy, hug your loved ones, and spin around in a circle with happiness. After all, if you had to pick between being single (and having a ton of friends that will love and support you no matter what) versus dating some “nice guy” that will belittle you in order to make himself feel better, the choice is obvious — especially if that guy is named Zach. •
