Photo Courtesy of Annabelle Allen ’19
In a sincere sentiment, Annabelle Allen ‘19 shares, “I look at other fathers who make money and pancakes and kiss their wives, and I feel depressed for how small my father’s world has become.” Her newest piece, “The Day His Journal Went Blank,” published in The New York Times “Modern Love” column, is a vulnerable plunge into the reality of caring for someone with a memory-destroying disease. Allen navigates us through the emotional findings of her father’s personal journal, a relic of his life prior to Alzheimer’s. His dated writings aren’t just stories of the past he rather not tell, they are stories of the past he can not tell, or remember.
I sat down with Annabelle and posed a few questions regarding her sensational publication:
What was it like having a story so personal to you published in The New York Times? Were you nervous or hesitant to share this piece with the world?
I was very nervous. I had the usual doubts, like “Is this good?” and “Will people even care?” My family has been so isolated during this time, so of course I felt fearful about letting so many know what was happening in our private life. But the response has been overwhelming. I’ve had over 300 emails from strangers expressing the different ways they relate to my story. Some are young caregivers, some are older and reckoning with their mortality, and I’ve even had people with Alzheimer’s write and reach out to me themselves. I have printed every email, they are all so special to me and really healing. We’re all a part of a similar club it seems.
What was your father’s reaction to your publication?
We actually didn’t tell my dad the story was about him until the day of. We kind of said things like “Annabelle is going to be published in the Times this weekend.” He would say he was proud. When the article came out we received so many beautiful responses, and I wanted to share them with him. There were even some from his old co-workers who recognized the person in the essay. When I read them to him, he just cried like a baby, saying “this is the best day of my life.” Technically, he was published in the Times too because of his journal entries, so that was exciting for him! I did read some of the essay to him, but only the positive parts. Reading the whole thing would’ve felt kind of devastating.
You ended your piece on such a heart-warming note, and I’m sure it left many readers in tears. Was it difficult to discover the words you wanted to write? Or did this piece come easier to you than most?
Oh, I had a very difficult time putting words to what I was experiencing and feeling. I think that’s why I started trying to write it in the first place. To help myself make sense of it all.
The harrowing experience of witnessing a loved one’s decline is seldom describable. For Annabelle Allen, her father’s disheartening battle with Alzheimer’s disease was a sight promoting pain and confusion. “The Day His Journal Went Blank” is a touching illustration of what it means to exist in the lives of others, it is a poignant reminder to stay present. In beautifully plain-spoken words, Annabelle writes, “I took a breath and turned off the TV. I did my best to join him in the moment, as that is all we have.”
Read “The Day His Journal Went Blank” by Annabelle Allen here
Here’s more on Annabelle’s post-graduate life:
As a writer, are you hoping to publish a novel in the future? How has freelance journalism been since your graduation from Connecticut College?
A novel, wow. Possibly. I just started at CBS News [as a Broadcast Associate], so I figure I will focus on that for a while. But maybe someday! Freelancing and reporting was a lot of fun. As a reporter your job is basically to ask a lot of questions so I learned a ton from that. At times I felt very financially strained. I worked a lot of odd jobs on top of reporting to pay rent. I worked at the Farmers Market, I modeled, I helped an artist make little string men out of wire and yarn for his mobiles, I even worked as a barista. I hope to return to reporting in the future, but for now I am taking comfort in the stability of my full-time gig at CBS.
During your four years at Connecticut College you were a founder of 360 Storytelling! Is that still around?
Yes, it is! We’re trying to do seasonal events. We just had our last event, virtually, in January. You should totally come next time!
360 Stories is a narrative nonfiction, storytelling open mic established by Annabelle Allen ‘19, Rose Montera ‘19 and Summer Wrobel ‘19. To learn more and get involved visit: https://welcome360stories.squarespace.com
