Photo Courtesy of Zoe Dubelier ’23
The very first members of the Class of 2027 – yes, you heard that right – have just been accepted! After the spring semester housing debacle when Conn admitted the infamous 661 students (no really, we’re so glad you’re here), you’re probably wondering where they will be housed. Following Jackie Chalghin’s bright ideas in a May 2022 issue, including housing in “The Third Train Car on the Boston to New London Roundtrip Amtrak” and “our very own TCV office,” we have brainstormed a second round of innovative housing solutions to prepare for another large incoming class.
Submarine at the Waterfront: It’s finally time for us to include housing in “the only NESCAC institution with a waterfront” slogan: we’re offering underwater living. Our friends at the Naval Base have loaned us some decommissioned subs to turn into rooms. It’s group-style living with individual bedrooms, a common room, and a kitchen. The missiles have been removed from the silos, but those are study corners now! The occupants will receive a 200 point deduction for the next year and a year’s supply of potassium iodide pills to help digest the nuclear radiation leftover from previous usages of the sub.
Old Coffee Closet in Cummings: Shut down in 2020 to prepare, the new dorm room in Cummings is for the ultimate artist. Ever get inspired at 3am to paint a picture or tickle the ivories? Then living in the arts building could be for you! Your own private bathroom (ok, it’s shared during the day when people are in the building, but after hours it’s all yours!) and prime viewing of all soccer games are just some of the perks of this new housing spot.
Two Bathrooms in Coffee Closet: We really only need one bathroom, so for the caffeine addicts, it would be quite convenient to roll out of bed and be in a coffee shop. The room has a bathroom next door. It’s communal during the day, but private after hours, and includes a 50% discount for all purchases at the Coffee Closet.
Tents in the Arbo: For dedicated Environmental Science majors and Outdoor Adventures club members only, students will be able to live in our famed Arboretum for the first time! With 750 acres of space to work with, applicants who are interested in truly immersing themselves in everything outdoors can compete for the chance to sleep under the stars. Mini-circus tents (similar to the current OA tents) that sleep four students will be erected amidst the trees, and a brand new outhouse would be constructed where the gazebo is currently.
High Tunnel in Sprout Garden: With fresh vegetables, the occasional woodland friend, and a skylight to the stars, this is the hot new place for outdoorsy students. Though your Harris meal plan will be canceled, you have endless fresh veggies just outside your window and access to lots of squirrel meat. With all the greenery surrounding you, you’ll have the best air-quality dorms on campus. Things will get steamy, even when there’s no one else around.
Library Collab Rooms: Don’t worry, we’ll frost the windows. Reserved for biochemistry majors who study most of the time, anyways. This one-of-a-kind housing opportunity offers the delightful buzz of first-floor Shain gossip – you could write a column on everything you overhear – and a half-Harris, half-Blue Camel meal plan. You’re already edging out most other students housed in dorms with access to a water fountain and a single-stall bathroom.
Barn Bunk Beds: With all the Cro renovation hubbub, we hope MOBROC will get better performance spaces because the Barn will now be packed with three triple-decker bunk beds! With easy access to gravel parking and Cro bathrooms just nextdoor and a short walk away from Harris fine dining, what more could you want?! The high ceilings (perfect for a loft common area) and fantastic acoustics make this prime housing real estate.
Congratulations, 2027! We can’t WAIT until you get here and try out all the new housing options!
