Top 5 Overrated Movies of 2011

When it comes to movies, I like to be a contrarian, but I am open-minded. Still there’s nothing I love more than coming across a movie that everyone loves and then explaining why it’s actually awful. As such, here are my picks for the five most overrated movies of last year.

5. Moneyball: Honestly, this one wasn’t horrible, and it’s mostly on this list because five is a nicer number than four. For the true story of Billy Beane, the general manager of the Oakland A’s, this movie was pleasantly banal. Given that it is composed entirely of baseball and math, two of the most boring things on Earth, it kept my attention a lot more than it probably should have. However, because of the massive hype and the whopping 95% on Rotten Tomatoes, I was expecting it to be a grand slam, rather than a just a forgettable ground roll double. (Those are baseball terms right?)

4. Shame: Sex addiction can have an extremely negative impact on someone’s life. There, I just saved you the hour and a half you would have wasted watching Shame. Granted, I came a little late and missed the much-discussed Michael Fassbender crotch shot, but I don’t think that even a glimpse at Magneto’s naughty bits would be enough to save this movie. It sets out to explain sex addiction, a problem which many face, but few understand I will concede that the movie did make me believe that there’s a difference between being dependent on sex and just being a horn dog. The protagonist truly does suffer because of his addiction, but as would be the case in real life, watching an addict self-destruct isn’t the most pleasant experience in the world. Ultimately, any good that the movie does is accomplished in such an overblown, melodramatic way that it never amounts to anything more than a glossy, well-acted after-school special for adults.

3. The Descendants: I wanted to like this one, but after ten minutes straight of expository voiceover capped off with George Clooney saying, “Sometimes I feel like my family is an archipelago,” I was out. About a man from Hawaii who finds out his comastricken wife was cheating on him, the movie rests almost entirely on Clooney’s performance, which, contrary to awards season buzz, wasn’t all that great. The best thing I can say is that he was totally miscast and he didn’t completely screw it up. The character is meant to be the schlubbiest of schlubs who has no idea how to deal with his life, but try as he might, Clooney never fully sheds himself of that undeserved confidence which made him a star. In one of many, many speeches, he says, “I’m just trying to keep my head
above water” (Get it guys? They live on an island!), but the smug smirk on his face makes it hard to believe. I will say one thing about the movie, though: It shattered my perception of people from Hawaii. Apparently they DO have problems doing monologues.

2. Tree of Life: When I’m bored in a movie, I’m usually thinking, “This could really use a dinosaur.” Unfortunately, not even the surprise inclusion of not one, but two velociraptors could make this movie the least bit enjoyable. I will concede that the hype the movie received is not unfounded; I would go so far as to say it is one of the best made movies I have ever seen. That said, it is a movie that is all art and no entertainment, and the prospect of sitting through it again is on par with getting a colonoscopy. If I had to
summarize the plot of this movie, it would be that Brad Pitt is a stern father for a while, then Sean Penn shows up to walk around in the desert. The movie is too ambitious for its own good, trying to tell the entire history of the world in lieu of trying to fully develop
the central characters. Director Terrance Malick is clearly very skilled, but the movie he’s made is one that confuses ambiguity for depth, and which may just be the closest thing I’ve ever found to a cure for my insomnia.
1. Midnight in Paris: I can at least understand the appeal of the movies listed above, but with Midnight in Paris, I’m just baffled. With all the praise the film has received, I was expecting it to be something eye-opening, or at least funny. In reality it is Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, for those who prefer merlot to weed. The movie finds Owen Wilson as a struggling writer who gets to indulge his nostalgia thanks to a magical old-timey car, which lets him travel back to the time of Ernest Hemingway. As a work of art, I’d put it on par with the sitcom Big Bang Theory, in which tired, clichéd dialogue is disguised in a cloak of pseudo-intellectualism and big words. As best I can tell, Midnight in Paris serves as pornography for the purposes of intellectual masturbation. On a more basic level, Midnight in Paris is poorly made. The script feels rushed, and if I had never seen another one of his movies, I would believe that Woody Allen did not know how to direct a movie. I guess this is to be expected, though, given the speed with which Allen cranks out his movies, and his advanced age. Perhaps senility is starting to get the better of him. I hear he can’t even recognize his own daughter anymore.