To the Women of Connecticut College: Take Control of Your Stereotype

Photo courtesy of Connecticut College Archives.

The more time a student spends at Connecticut College, the clearer its cyclical nature becomes: through the course of four years, issues break through and irritate the campus into short fits of schoolwide hysteria, and then disappear into our temporary collective memory cloud. As rounds of students graduate out, the cycle repeats, and repeats, and repeats.

In the past three years I’ve watched (and edited) debates on micro-aggressive dismissals of race and class, inconsistencies in disciplinary actions, and the disintegrating effects of cyberbullying on a community. They’ve all wrestled that fine, vague line between promoting productive awareness and being accusatorily defensive.

It seems the next issue has begun to appear, Gender with a capital G, rolled into our consciousness by members of the Women’s Center; in the past three weeks, the College Voice has printed six articles and four letters exploring societal and local gender issues.

At last week’s dialogue entitled “What Does Gender Mean at Conn,” I found ten Center members and three professors determined to promote positive dialogue on campus about the inequalities that our women face. At the event, Center members asserted unyieldingly that women were less likely to take on leadership positions at Connecticut College. A few felt that they weren’t respected as leaders here because of their gender, and many suggested that the administration was not doing its job to protect us or encourage forward momentum.

Five days later, in a 10/27 article entitled “The Moral Tortures of Hooking Up”, Riordan Frost offered up my least favorite hypothetical example of what he called a common sexual scenario: John and Jane are faced with the prospect of having sex after a night out drinking. John asks for it, persists when Jane says no, and in response “Jane becomes annoyed, but feels flustered and socially pressured…so she eventually gives in, and they have sex.” In retrospect, John is proud of his choice and Jane is left feeling regretful and insecure.

Yes, tremendous value exists in recognizing the societal problems women face, and we will always need activists to refresh our eye for gender consciousness. But just acknowledging the inequality makes the Women’s Center look too much like a Women’s Shelter, a safe haven for the disempowered to gather and recuperate. It’s important to then take the step past awareness and into empowerment – the goal has to be active, focused not on promoting general dialogue, but aiming to realign a demeaning self-perception that many women have.

Riordan’s story, the key and sole scenario in his piece, is among the most common used to exemplify the dangers of alcohol-induced consent. He offers it up on a plate, as if the thought had never crossed our minds. And yet just presenting the story is perpetuating the problem; it’s one that has socially conditioned me to see myself as a victim, fitting among others to imply that in my life I will likely be emotionally, physically, and/or professionally debased by men. It suggests that women are not in control of the decisions they make, and dangerously reinforces to any girl waking up after a sexual experience that violated is how she should feel.

I am fortunate enough to have grown up with positive female influences in my mother and older sisters. They have given me a strong sense of my entitlement as a woman, which in many ways is a leg up; the mindset that followed has allowed me to feel nothing but supported, respected and safe at Connecticut College. It’s important for those like me to recognize that not everyone has been so lucky – and it’s equally important for those who haven’t to know that this mindset is attainable for them as well. It will not happen by just recognizing the inequality. Dare I bring up the looking glass self, the developmental method we naturally use to create a shallow sense of who we are by basing our identity on how others see us. Now, as self-aware adults, it is time to actively take control of how we want to be seen as women: deliberate in our actions, clear in our goals, respected in our opinions.

To reach empowerment on any level, in any marginalized situation, be it of class, race, religion or sexual orientation, is to acknowledge and be sensitive to societal prejudices, but refuse to let them get in our way.

Photo courtesy of Connecticut College Archives