It was the shot heard ‘round the Internet… On November 16, 2012, Hostess Brands Incorporated filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in White Plains, New York. In doing so, the company was basically seeking legal permission from the government to shut down all production and distribution operations and to sell their assets—those being classic junk food products like Ho Hos, Wonder Bread, Ding Dongs, Sno Balls, CupCakes and—much to the chagrin of snack cake enthusiasts across the country, the much-loved/maligned/lampooned/consumed Twinkies.
The story spread like wildfire across newspapers, magazines and television news networks, and countless online news sources soon found themselves seeing more action than a 7-Eleven on Free Slurpee Day. Desperate laments and cries for help flooded the comments section of nearly every story about Hostess’ impending demise—regardless of whether or not the now-jeopardized snack cakes’ fate had actually been the central focus of the article.
Forget Syria, the fiscal cliff, and health care reform: what we really should be worried about is the future availability of those “golden sponge cakes with creamy filling.” As for myself, I am ashamed to say that I simply can’t believe I could’ve been so ignorant of our nation’s recent and utterly tragic downfall! How can the United States continue to be the leader of the free world without the secure ability, nay, freedom to gratify our desire for cream filling? Who will we be as Americans if we cannot soothe our desperate ache for the warm and fuzzy nostalgia of our elementary school, brown-bag-lunch days?
Well, it seems that nostalgia has lied to us in this case. Just do a Google search for “Twinkies ingredients,” and you’ll begin to see what I mean. My mouth simply began to water uncontrollably with a single glance at all the tantalizing delicacies the nice folks at Hostess sprinkle in with tender loving care, albeit on a massive corporate scale: Sodium acid pyrophosphate. Solids. (Solid what? Inquiring minds want to know!) Beef fat. (You’ve got to be kidding me.) Sodium stearoyl lactylate. (Can you pronounce that? Because I can’t.) Additives and artificial colors and saturated fat, oh my! Just like Grandma used to make, huh?
But maybe I’m at fault in blaming Hostess’ clearly healthful treats on the people who have, at least until recently, been making them—those poor souls who are soon to assume the prestigious title of “former Twinkie cream stuffer” (as one online commenter so poignantly put it). Don’t Twinkies, CupCakes and their sugary, fattening brethren represent a tiny cog of the vast American corporate machine that’s responsible for producing snack foods with little to no nutritional value? After all, Hostess’ profits have been steadily declining over the last few years anyway, and competitors like Little Debbie, TastyKake, Drake’s and Entenmann’s have shown no recent signs that they intend to halt their thriving business in attractively packaged, cutely named and maddeningly addictive empty calories.
Furthermore, it seems that rabid fans of the deep-fried Twinkie, the rare “Ecto-Cooler” flavor of Zingers, and those thrilling seasonal varieties of Sno Balls have absolutely nothing to fear from the approaching end of the Hostess Brands bankruptcy saga. In the past few days, the company has frequently insisted that there are numerous eager buyers lined up with cash in hand, clamoring for their chance to own a crucial piece of American junk food history.
But even if not a single buyer does in fact bravely step up to the plate, it’s doubtful that a single sweet tooth will have to go unsatisfied. For Little Debbie has long been waiting in the wings to snatch the crown of Miss Snack Cake USA from our beloved Hostess.
So if the above ingredients are in Twinkies, my guess of what’s in Little Debbie is even worse!
Do your research before writing. The 16TH was the day they fired 18,000 plus. The bankruptcy happened months before. Not to mention the fact that Drakes was owned by hostess brands and are too not available