I am a senior. I am graduating in less than four months. This is simultaneously terrifying and incredibly liberating. I will become a full and credentialed adult with a Bachelor’s Degree. I will be able to find a job that will pay fairly well because of this, hopefully with good benefits like healthcare and dental. I will start living on my own as soon as possible in order to become “independent.” I will move away from home, but not too far, so as to stay close to my family.
Although all of this is pretty much set in stone, I am still living on campus, and I am torn about how to spend the remaining precious moments in this glorious interim space between adolescence and adulthood. Internally, I feel as though I should be seizing every opportunity to “go out” or “hang out” and drink with my close friends, yet at the same time I am conflicted because I do not always feel like hanging in a large group is what I want or need, nor do I feel the need to drink as regularly as I do now. How am I to navigate this internal, sometimes even external battle, between what I feel like I should be doing and what my body tells me I should actually do?
Alumni have told me that I should be living every moment to the fullest and taking all of it in, but how can I savor these moments if I am constantly in a haze of inebriation? Sure, it is a luxury to be able to afford to do this every night both financially and physically. I do not work a full time job and don’t have pressing responsibilities other than keeping up with my academics and extra-curriculars. I am privileged to be here, and I want to take full advantage of the opportunities afforded to me, but I’m realizing that increasingly I need to use this time to develop not only intellectually but physically as well. Over the past year, I have realized the importance of listening and honoring one’s own body.
There are some nights where I do not want to go to the bar no matter how much my friends try and persuade me to go. I feel as though this should be an adequate enough reason to abstain from accidentally imbibing one too many drinks as I have often done on Tuesday nights past, yet my fear of missing out often leaves me feeling guilty. When will I ever be able to gather and have a fun night with my peers in such close proximity again? Should I take full advantage of every moment to hang out even though my body and my mind say otherwise? These are still issues that I am struggling to understand as I enter my final semester of undergrad. What kind of memories do I want to be making?
Most recently, I have realized that the memories I will cherish the most are those of staying up late, stone cold sober, talking about childhood, memories and love with my closest friends. Those conversations will always have a special place in my heart, and this would never happen if I had chosen to go to the campus bar to have shallow conversations with acquaintances over alcohol. These will always have a lasting impression on me, and I relish laying in the dark in bed with my best friends talking about philosophy and discussing how our personal histories have informed our identities.
But I still struggle to accept the fact that I might be missing out on other fun events and conversations happening on other parts of campus. How can I get over this FOMO? Accordingly, I am still working through this issue, and I am trying to be more of an independent spirit and listen to my body. I feel as though I have been out of touch with it recently, and really need to work on trusting my intuition and having confidence in my decisions. And I need to remember that as much as I may want to, I can not do everything at once. •
