Following the College screening of “I’m Not Racist…Am I?” The College Voice has teamed up with Conn Alumna, Liza Talusan ’97, to develop a regular column that explores different methods of effective communication. The advice will hopefully range from ways to check body language and tone of voice, to how to stay calm in a situation where you or another participant feels attacked. In addition, there will also be weekly questions posed within the column to spark conversations. In order to have productive conversations, it is equally as important to not only consider what we are discussing, but the manner in which we go about approaching one another on an individual level.
Okay, so what does that mean? In moments when people are getting defensive or lashing out or being obstructive, I always ask that person (or audience) “What would it mean if it were true?”
To frame the purpose of this question, I will use an example taken from the post-screening discussions of “I’m Not Racist…Am I?” during which junior Jazmín Castillo took a stand in response to unfair treatment she faced from a professor rooted in racial bias that eventually led to her changing her major completely. She went further to elaborate on the feeling of isolation that her and her peers face as students labeled as “minority.”
“We only have each other as students to lean on for support,” she said in closing.
I imagine there were some very Conn loving people who were thinking, “What, that doesn’t happen” or “No way, she must have done something wrong” — essentially delegitimizing her claims on the grounds of discomfort.
So, the challenge is then, “What would it mean if it were true?”
“What would it mean if a student or your peer had to change her major because she was afraid of her professor’s retaliation?” What would that mean? It would mean that our College has professors that aren’t treating people fairly. It would mean that I (as a Conn loving student) am blind to a side of Conn that I never knew about. It would mean that I love a school in which people that I sit next to are being treated unfairly.
And, so if I knew this information and I did nothing, then what would that say about me?
By doing this, those in conversation must move away from making prejudiced assumptions—from painting a fellow member of the community as an “other” — about the people they are talking to. It moves beyond “This is uncomfortable to hear” to “How can I help fix this?”
This is a good technique to use not only in weighty conversations about race, diversity or inclusive excellence, but in daily dealings with others. By taking a moment to honestly consider another perspective (which seems like it should be standard practice when interacting with people, but isn’t), more questions can be answered, and new ones can be discussed. It moves the conversation forward rather than stopping it in its tracks when emotions are running high. •
