Editor’s note: The College Voice is bringing back the classic advice column in a big way! Ask Suze, our in-house relationship and lifestyle guru, all the questions you’ve been mulling over. Send Suze your questions anonymously at www.sayat.me/CCCol- legeVoiceAdvice.
Dear Suze,
I kind of want to try something new in terms of hooking up with someone, but I am really self-conscious of my friends gossiping or making fun of me. What should I do?
To quote Kevin G. from Mean Girls: “Don’t let the haters stop you from doing your thang.” Sometimes friends are great in this situation because they look out for you and make sure you’re respecting yourself. Other times they can be judgmental, and no one needs that. If you want to try something new and you’re being true to yourself and having safe and consensual adventures, go for it. I recently started trying new things and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I understand the fear of judgement from friends but, if they really care about you, they will just want you to be happy and safe. As hard as it is, try to tell yourself that ultimately you make your own decisions and you are in control of your life and your choices, regardless of what other people say about them.
Dear Suze,
I have a dear friend who is a close confidant of mine. However, whenever I vent/ask her for advice, she is very direct and not considerate of my feelings. I understand that in her mind, she is trying to help, but I sometimes wish she were a bit kinder. Should I try to talk to her directly about this concern, or do I look to another friend for kindness?
This is something that I’ve struggled with as well, and the best way I’ve found to deal with it is by telling the person what you need in that moment. Saying something like “Right now I just need to have a pity party/be negative/complain and I need you to just listen” helps the other person realize what kind of place you’re in and how best to help you. Some- times people thing that being direct is the best way to solve things but, sometimes, you just want to vent and you don’t want an immediate solution, which is totally okay. If this doesn’t work, I would suggest maybe selecting what kind of advice you ask her for. I’ve learned that different friends are good for different kinds of advice, and that’s okay too. •
