On February 27, Student Accessibility Services and GSP (Gender and Sexuality Programs) collaborated to host a student-led discussion on sex, relationships, and disability: “Disabled and Doing It: A Disability Dialogue.”
The group discussed stigmas around disabled people having sex, and how it is often assumed that people with disabilities are asexual or have no interest in sex. In reality, the discourse around disability and sex was not too fundamentally different from able-bodied discussions on the topic. Sex with a disability requires more emphasis on conversations about clear communication, and this was the focus of the event.
These pre and post-sex conversations are vital to sex for people with disabilities, as it can often cause anxiety. The group discussed that there shouldn’t be embarrassment in having these conversations, as the conversations are another way to communicate what one does and doesn’t enjoy. One thing that can be discussed in these pre-sex conversations is creative exploration that accommodates a partner’s disabilities. This includes but is not limited to: brainstorming locations that are more comfortable than a bedroom, being aware of any medications a partner may be on that can affect sex, or turning off distracting background sensations.
The group also discussed the idea of sex not being spontaneous. While spontaneous sex is often promoted in mainstream pornography, spontaneity often causes anxiety for those with disabilities who need to plan in advance for sexual encounters. As student Adrien Landon ‘25 noted, “Before having sex, it’s not unsexy to talk about sensory environments, positions that are more painful or not…having conversations makes you a better partner.” Planning sexual encounters in advance can alleviate stress and ensure that both parties are prepared and comfortable.
The meeting also included a powerful conversation about what able-bodied sexual partners should know about sex and disability. Landon noted that “It’s a really cool experience as a disabled person to have sex with someone else and not be the one that has to initiate the conversation. I think everyone should have the ability to converse before having sex… it needs to be more normalized and talked about on campus.” Leila Merhi ‘25, explained that there’s a “certain level of communication that should be involved [in sex]. Pre-sex conversations should be normalized among everybody, not just disabled people.”
Anyone having sex, regardless of ability, should feel empowered to communicate their needs. And for those with disabilities, as explained by Grayson Jester ‘25, “You don’t need to specify a disability… [your preferences] are just what you need.” The necessary pre and post-sex conversations about preferences and accommodations are “ongoing… things are always changing. [They’re] a series of conversations you repeatedly have with somebody and yourself,” notes Landon. For people of all abilities, open communication is key. Camels communicate.
To learn more about sex and disability, SAS and GSP recommend sexualityanddisability.org.
