{"id":17993,"date":"2017-10-02T11:15:39","date_gmt":"2017-10-02T15:15:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/?p=17993"},"modified":"2017-10-02T11:59:13","modified_gmt":"2017-10-02T15:59:13","slug":"an-orientation-guide-for-the-class-of-2021","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/2017\/10\/02\/an-orientation-guide-for-the-class-of-2021\/","title":{"rendered":"An Orientation Guide for the Class of 2021"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Editor\u2019s note: The following is a work of satire. The College Voice does not recommend that new students utilize this guide as a reference material.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Welcome, first-years, to Connecticut College! You are about to enter a very exciting chapter of your life. You will experience new opportunities, meet new people, and form new relationships\u2014Connections\u00a9, if you will. Orientation is designed to assist the beginning of your journey by touching upon all of the crucial bases. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">First, a quick note: Connecticut state law requires college newcomers to list their name, where they are from, and a quirky personal fact no less than 100 times within the first 24 hours of move-in day. If not completed, the College could face a hefty penalty of $67,440 per student.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are all here because you have gone above and beyond. You are not settlers, you are reachers. Each of you has exceeded expectations and standards; it\u2019s the character of a Conn student. You\u2019ll see this quality portrayed during orientation as could-be thirty minute presentations are extended to a full hour or more! We strive to achieve above and far beyond that which is both expected and necessary. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ever heard the phrase \u201cdon\u2019t beat a dead horse?\u201d Here at Conn, we don\u2019t believe in horses and their Connections\u00a9 to elitist society. At Conn, we beat dead camels. Recent predictions report that within the next six years, camels will be a nearly extinct species due to how often the College runs their name into the dirt. You will soon become more familiar with the dromedary mammal than you ever wished to be.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For many of you arriving from across the country, or even the world, New London may be foreign soil. We will ensure you become acquainted and feel \u201cat home in New London\u201d with an information session. Your success at Conn for the next few weeks, and years, rests upon the crucial understanding of how parking garages came into existence in downtown New London. This question has surely tortured you ever since your \u201cConn Said Yes!\u201d folder appeared in your mailbox. Fear not, we will address this issue at great lengths in Palmer Auditorium. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even though you are all adults, ready to take on the world and make your mark, we are all still kids at heart. This orientation program will allow you to indulge in your childish impulses. Flashback to middle school mixers\u2014except, instead of your school\u2019s gymnasium, this bopping blast will be hosted in the bright fluorescent lights of our very own Cro! Similar to those nostalgically cringeworthy tween shindigs, there will be hesitant and awkward conversation, Twister, the Electric Slide, and a variety of suspicious rodents.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We are so, so excited to welcome the class of 2021 to Conn this year. To date, not only does this class include our highest number of trained magicians, \u201c20 minutes outside of Boston\u201d acceptees, and people in top 100% of their graduating class, but the class of 2021 is among the first to embark upon the ambiguous road of our acclaimed Connections\u00a9 curriculum. Here are some of the most common questions we receive about this fantastically vague new program, and the answers we hope will best aid your understanding:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Q: How does Connections work? <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A: By reinventing the liberal arts education. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Q: What makes it different from previous curricula at Conn, or others across the collegiate United States?<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A: Students get to orchestrate their education and self-navigate their own pathways. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Q: What do those mean, exactly?<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A: By exploring the five different Modes of Inquiry, students will gain a more wholesome and rounded educational experience, putting the world together in new ways.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Q: How many credits are required for the different requirements?<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A: There are no requirements with Connections\u00a9; students experience the liberal arts through Modes of Inquiry. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Q: Right, but what does that mean?<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A: Students engage in Creative Expression, Critical Interpretation and Analysis, Quantitative and Formal Reasoning, Scientific Inquiry and Analysis, and Social and Historical Inquiry. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Q: So, art, reading, math, science, and social studies?<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A: No. Creative Expression, Critical Interpretation and Analysis, Quantitative and Formal Reasoning, Scientific Inquiry and Analysis, and Social and Historical Inquiry.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Q: So how will I know how to best schedule my courses to ensure I check all the boxes?<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A: By reinventing the liberal arts education. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your experience at Conn will be one full of questions and fresh knowledge. We encourage you to take advantage of every learning opportunity in your time here, in and out of the classroom. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is college. You are here to ask questions, and question your answers. Maybe you will walk out of the post office one day with $650.00 worth of Amazon Prime textbooks bogging you down, and a fellow student will hold the door as you exit Cro. Appreciative of their attention to your situation, a question will surface in your mind: \u201cwas that my Camel Moment\u00a9?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After these first five, frenzy-filled days at Conn, you will be ready to begin your college experience. It will be difficult, perhaps. But you are ready. You certainly will not have any remaining questions, for we have answered the important ones several times during this orientation program: \u201cHow does the Camel Van\u00a9 work?\u201d \u201cHow exactly do we complete SEA forms and tax paperwork?\u201d \u201cHow do we use the Career Services office?\u201d \u201cWhy is our mascot a camel?\u201d \u201cWhy does the upholstery in Palmer hurt my legs?\u201d<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Welcome home, Camels. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">P.S. We neglected to mention this fact on tours or at any point during orientation, but the campus has a mildly jarring and out-of-control skunk problem at night, so tread lightly.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div class=\"tmnf_excerpt\"><p>Editor\u2019s note: The following is a work of satire. The College Voice does not recommend that new students utilize this guide as a reference material. Welcome, first-years, to Connecticut College! You are about to enter a very exciting chapter of your life. You will experience new opportunities, meet new people, and form new relationships\u2014Connections\u00a9, if &hellip;<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":62304,"featured_media":18091,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_eb_attr":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5],"tags":[474,645,644],"class_list":["post-17993","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-arts","tag-first-years","tag-orientation","tag-satire"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"cc_featured_image_caption":{"caption_text":false,"source_text":false,"source_url":false},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Screen-Shot-2017-06-15-at-9.36.12-AM-404x442.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17993","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/62304"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17993"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17993\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18094,"href":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17993\/revisions\/18094"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18091"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17993"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17993"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thecollegevoice.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17993"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}